Whatever you are able to contribute to the conversation in the comments and on social media, please do.
The more voices we have speaking on the subject, the more supported and cared for other grieving siblings will hopefully feel.
Okay, I just wanted to say that as a reminder to anyone who feels like they’re living in the shadow of a deceased sibling.
Feeling compared or overshadowed is common after the death of a sibling, and (although you may be hesitant to admit it) this experience can result in feelings of resentment or anger towards family and/or the person who died.
Instead, I am referring to loss in regards to the type of relationship, such as the death of a parent, spouse, child, and so on.
Allow me to share two reasons for our hesitancy: 1.
On a whole, we recommend you learn what you can from your commonalities with other grievers, but take differences with a grain of salt. Not only that, but some of these resources are maintained and/or provided by people who can speak with greater authority on the subject than we possibly could. That being said, there are some types of loss where few good resources exist.
Although some people might be able to relate to aspects of another person’s grief, no one can completely understand how anyone else feels. For some types of loss, like the death of a spouse or child, an abundance of really great resources already exist.In a situation where any or all of these things are true, a grieving sibling may end up feeling as though other people’s grief is more important than their own.This may be confounded by the fact that some people willingly allow their grief to go unnoticed by themselves or others.Sometimes this happens out of necessity, sometimes avoidance, sometimes expectation, and sometimes all of the above.It is important for all members of the family to recognize that no one’s grief should take complete precedence.Although some were able to make recommendations, many were quick to point out their struggle to find help and support for their loss.One reader even said she dubbed herself the Obviously, this is just a post and it doesn’t substitute for dedicated organizations, movements, or other types of support – but it’s a start.This is just a guess, but I suspect a lack of sibling grief resources exists because sibling grief is often overshadowed.People simply cannot fathom the out-of-order-ness of a parent having to bury a child, so when this is the case their thoughts and concerns often immediately go to the parent’s grief.Good, bad, or anywhere in-between, your relationship with your brother or sister was different than anyone else’s and so you’ll experience hurdles, triggers, and hardships that others may not.Your parents, siblings, and other family members may grieve in many of the same ways that you do, but in many ways, their grief may differ.