You have your values about sex, and your boyfriend has his.You need to accept what he’s saying at face value and given the evidence of his current behavior: that your relationship has meaning to him, that he is being faithful, that his friends-with-benefits situations with his friends were not Relationships no matter how you understand friends-with benefits, even if he’s had sex in both situations and gone to the movies in both situations.I feel like as long as he remains friends with these women, he’ll never be truly committed to me.
In fact, you’ve allowed that discomfort create a whole situation in your head in which they are conspiring against you, treating you as an “intermission” to their no-strings-attached bonefest and considering you a laughingstock, with no evidence.I feel like as long as he remains friends with these women, he’ll never be truly committed to me. But let’s break down the real problem: you two have very different conceptions of what sex means to each of you.My boyfriend and I have worn this argument to the bare bones, but we still don’t seem to understand each other. And in some relationships, that’s fine as long as the two of you have trust in one another and respect for one another’s different points of view.What you want is for him to cut off contact with his friends, which is totally unfair, in the hopes that you feel more secure – but even if that works temporarily, it’s no permanent solution to the bigger problem that his past in general makes you feel insecure about his commitment to your current relationship. You know what he hasn’t done with his fuck buddies? Attempted to make them feel secure by opening up about his past and how it relates to his present relationship and what he wants in his future.Considered the possibility, even though he dismissed it, of ending close friendships that provide him with a level of emotional support because they wanted him all to themselves emotionally and physically.Maybe they went out and did stuff like go to the movies, maybe they talked about their feelings, maybe they did so before and after they had sex here and there.But they weren’t his girlfriend, and you are – at least for now. And that’s really the only difference he can give you, because he can’t change the past, even if he wanted to.So what is the difference between a relationship with a friend and your relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend (aside from sex) that lets a boyfriend/girlfriend know that they have nothing to worry about?How do you explain it to them or make sure they feel secure?We go to the movies, go to dinner, come home, have sex, hold each other and talk, etc.All things he did with them, and yet somehow he says it’s not the same to him and I don’t understand.