The fact that you were willing to overlook an issue – they smoke, they drink, you have different values, etc.
– in the beginning doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to break up with them over it later.
One of the most perverse aspects of being human is how hard we fight against our own best interests.
Our brains are prone to a host of psychological effects and fallacies that convince us that we damn good and well that I needed to break up with my girlfriend – for years longer than I should have.
Even now, it’s a fairly open and shut case: he needs to break up with his girlfriend already.
The problem is example of why it’s so hard to break up with someone, even when you know it needs to happen, laid out in pure text. Our brains are very good at throwing roadblocks in our way and making us talk ourselves out of doing what we know we need to do.
I want to go out and do things, and she doesn’t, so I feel guilty for leaving and doing things without her.
And yet, by staying with her, even though I’m not sure I want to, isn’t that kind of a being a jerk to her as well? She seems committed, and I only feel it when I’m not physically near her. I’m not even sure I’ll want to get out there and try the nightmare that is dating again if I break things off. Like others who’ve been in his position, he should have ended the relationship long before it reached this point.Sure, every once in a while you’ll run into a thundering assbeast who casts people aside like used Kleenex, but However necessary the break up may be, years of experience and pop culture have taught us that the person doing the dumping is the bad guy.They’re the ones who aren’t invested enough, who break promises, who don’t care enough to make it work or aren’t strong enough to make it through the rough patches.Essentially, I feel trapped in a long distance relationship.Feeling trapped probably means I should end it, but, I’m feeling pretty conflicted about a lot of things.Other times, people try to avoid breaking up with their partners because they worry about what it says about them.One of the most common examples of this are people who realize they are no longer attracted to their partners.There are some issues that come up that I’m sure I can handle. I like to go out with friends and play games, she’s more a quiet, stay-at-home type. I really dislike dealing with her when she’s drunk.I thought I didn’t mind her weight but it turns me off and I don’t really enjoy sex with her.From an outside perspective, it can seem glaringly obvious what you need to do. For example: One of the first problems we deal with is that our brains will flat out lie to us and we very rarely realize it.Most of us have a misguided idea of how our memories work – that they’re perfect snapshots of a moment in time, recording and replaying everything with perfect clarity and accuracy. Those golden memories of the early days of the relationship when things were better are sharp and vivid and can feel more immediate while memories of all the fights fade quickly… Even memories of abusive or coercive behavior grow faint enough that we can excuse them as being “not having to break up with someone; we’re naturally loathe to hurt somebody we care (or cared) for, even when it’s necessary.